I am 18!
How different is it? I think there isn't much difference.
Maybe because I haven't sense it yet.
But I think I am allowed to do many more things. Lol.

I think I am going back my words.
I promised I won't do anything funny.
But I think I am doing too many funny things.
It has become a habit to suddenly remember some things and feel how the feeling comes crushing down.
It has become a habit for me to wonder what you are doing and guessing your responses.
It has also become a habit for me to accept your sudden goodbye and sudden stop in replying.
Forming habit, is such an easy thing to do.

It is impossible not to think.
Especially when I am alone or when I am listening to songs.
It is hard to not imagine and wish.
Who won't want fairytale to come true.
But I think I have grown. I used to imagine and really hope for it.
Now I will imagine but won't go hope much for it.
Cause I think I have realized failure is a closer friend than success. Haha.

"I just can't believe how I feel about you girl."
It always strikes me hard when I heard this line from the song Then by Brad Paisley.
I know why you are asking me.
I myself also can't really believe it. A feeling so fairytale-like but so everlasting.
I think I have successfully chased you out of my range.
Doubt you will really come here anymore. Lol.
Wow. Success eh. Tsk. Haha.

I think I am having Monday blues.
School. I just hate school.
What is there to expect? After you have ended the last expectation.
Freak it.
I wish I can just curse and swear.
For the moment now,
I don't really like my life.
I hate school. I hate the restrictions from my CCA. I hate me myself and I.
LIFE Screwed it.

WOO.
I am 18 now. Haha!
Today is a happy day!
I think in my entire life,
I have never said so many Thank you before. Haha.
But THANKS ALL FOR YOUR WISHES=DD
I think a simple Happy birthday is well enough. Haha.
People like Zhen yu who spammed me 30+ unique messages of his, made my phone hang. wth.
Then Prakash shook hand with me! HAHA.
29th gave me a "surprise" with DURIAN CAKE! OMG!
It is a pure torture man! ZZZ!
Still forced me to eat. EVEN MORE JIALAT!
Then I got 6 ladies waiting for me outside the LT to cut cake too!
Haha! Feel so blessed then=P HAHA!
And SAMANTHA PAY sent me a really really sweet bday message.
Perma in my SIM card alr. HAHA
But really really! Thank all those who remembered my birthday and wished me.
Really wanna thank you all.
I know you all won't see this, but THANK YOU LA! Haha!

Actually was reflecting as I entered into the first day of me being 18.
Quite many things to say.
HOWEVER! Tmr i got quiz,
So I can't really blog now. Haha.
Just wanna thank ppl, cause I think they are GREAT ppl=D
I will update more about what I have thought through when time comes!
HOHOHO!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!=D
AND TO EVERYONE WHO IS BORN ON THIS SPECIAL DAY!=D

HOHOHO!
I am here posting!
Nth much to post about!
But why am I posting?
CAUSE TODAY IS THE LAST DAY OF ME BEING SEVENTEEN!!
Once the clock strikes 12, I am eighteen already!
GAH!

Omg 18! Another phase of life.
Able to watch M18,
Do funny things,
Go clubbing.
EIGHTEEEEEEEEEN! Haha.

I don't know what to hope for so I am not really hoping for any.
I have said my birthday wishes in my previous posts!
So don't know what to say la!

But tmr gonna be a happy day!!!=D
Hopefully so=))))

The moon shines bright up in the sky,
It is the same old lonely feeling of mine.
Staring up to try and spot the stars,
But started wondering where you are.

Misses conquered my day and night,
I am tired but I can't control, can I?
Wonder how much do I mean,
To that dear and lovely lady.
If I will to say that I miss you,
Will you say that you miss me too?

Thinking too much I am here,
What else can I do for her?
Will I win her heart over?
Reality tells me can never.

People tell me to be strong.
Yes, I am holding on.
How much longer can I last?
A question I would ask.

I hope to harvest memories,
To keep it with me to cherish.
Your denial beats it all,
I am afraid I can't do more.

Shall not forget what is good,
Patience, yes, is a virtue.
So how much sorrow may I have,
I will tweek it and smile, I can!

Your smile is all I hope to see,
Your accompany is all I hope to keep.
Writing a love story is not easy,
I know. I am still trying..

Lalalalalalal!
Yes I am trying to type in a poem manner.
Long time never do so already!
I shall a clue here too!
Leaving to see who can solve!
You can? Then you are really smart! Hahahaha. Goodnight=)

Today is a saturday!
Went out with family together!=D
Went to Sembawang park!
So cute. Like mini East Coast like that. Haha.
I really miss the seaside=(

After that went to some place to have dinner.
Quite nice. The service is great. Haha.
After that went to Daily Scoop to eat ice cream!
Waffle with ice cream! HOHOHO!=D
I tried something new-Nutty Macadamia(spelling wrong i think)!
Stepped away from mint. Like how I decided to confess and head for a new direction.
Realized I very long never post such things already. Haha.

Today went out actually is an early celebration for my birthday, which is coming.
However I don't have the excitement of going 18. I don't know why.
Maybe because I am spending much effort in wondering/hoping.
"You know? You realize? You care?".
Lol. I feel like a loser. Pure one. No idea why.

What I want for birthday? I don't know.
Seriously.
I wish to have an itouch tho. Or PSP.
But it is too expensive for it to come true.
Similarly, I think it is too far fetch for me to reach, to reach what I am hoping for.

Am I hoping too much or what?
Or I simply acting against what I have promised, w/o me realizing?
Omg how I wish it is none of both..

19th Feb 2010.
Weekend is here!
Happy=)
Don't need go school. Yay~

It has been around 2 days not talking to you!
You never reply, so I don't really dare to approach again.
Lol.
Do you even realize no message is coming in?
Or you are simply intending to let it happen?
Don't know la.
Don't want think and imagine. Lol.

Sports Day is coming!
Another major event.
I am feeling less and less keen towards these things.
Maybe I really want and hope and eager to lead a normal life that much.
Step. Down.
Maybe I really want and hope and eager to see you as my mind keep missing you every now and then.

I am tired!
Many works to be done!
But I realized my mind just can't stop missing you...
Will you see this? Haaaa

Life is short.
When is the final full stop? Nobody knows.
Shall not take any chances to procrastinate in whatever you want to do.
At least I have made myself known to you. Ha.

I am getting abit weird. Why?

Lol.

Today I never text you.
I really wanted to.
But I refrained myself from doing so, cause I think you would be irritated.
Lol.
If you will to text me first, I think it will make my day.
However I think you are too busy already. So it's okay=)

Blog is a personal diary, and true enough,
I am treating it like one.
I am so talking to myself I think. Haha.
But who else can I talk to with regards to this?
I can vent it here, as long there is no name, I think it is still all right? Haha.
Furthermore I don't think many ppl will come see.
Only a few would hop by and have a look.
Then see how emo I am. Haha.

Haiz.
I am waiting for your text.
Why does it feel abit like waiting for Singapore to snow?
Negative feelings.
From a negatively charged soul.
Haa

HAPPY CHINESE NEW YEAR!
AND HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY!
To some people I think they have seen it n times already. Haha!

Tiger Year is here!
RWAR! HAHA!
Funny.
Today I am dateless=(
But I got asked with this very simple but profound question:
Is date really that important?

Think about it, the answer is really quite puzzling.
Yes, but why? Because it is Valentine's day so you must have a date?
No, cause actually you are just seeking consolation for yourself?
Funny right? Don't know what is the right answer, or is there even an answer? Haha.
This is my answer:

Yes. Because it is only with this term, "date" then can I be there by your side.
It is only then then I can see you smile and hear your voice.
So if will to comment about importance, it will mean a great deal to me. Serious deal.
If I will to say I miss you, will you believe me?
If yes, then date is important to me and the reason is then obvious=)
Cause as long you like someone and that someone is still willing to talk to you,
I think it is a blessed day already.Haha.

PS: IF YOU ARE SEEING THIS, YES! I AM STILL WAITING FOR YOU TO SING TO ME! HAHA!=D

Hope.
A simple four letters word.
So many things are in four letters.
Love, Like, Hate, or even vulgarities. Lol.
But yea. So many things from one genre.

Let's go back to Hope.
Something which is essential in everyday life.
"Hope brightens up one's day."
"Hope is the source of strength for one in dealing with difficulties." and bla bla bla.
True. Hope is some sort of light source, providing motivation and a goal for people to head to and continue to do what they want to do.
However, it is too virtual. At least to me.

It is so fragile. You hope for whatever you want, but eventually you may not get it.
That is the harsh fact in the cruel reality.
You hope you can get the latest Iphone, but you will not get it cause you can't afford.
You hope you are better in certain area, but you can't cause either you are borned that way or it is just impossible to change.
You are made to submit to certain things and you just can't escape it but to accept it.
So what is the point of hoping?

I think it is the same logic as drug.
It provides you with this short term relief from whatever unhappiness you are in.
"I hope things will get better.", "I hope better will come". Then you will feel better. However, in the end when nothing comes, you will still end up being disappointed and you will once again trying to hope again. What a vicious cycle. Lol.
In economics I've learned the Law of Diminishing Returns. Too much of expansion can bring upon bad effects.
Too much of hope can then bring upon lower expectation of Life.
Loooooool. I don't think anyone buy that, I suppose? Haha.

Of course you can say, "Just don't hope for the impossible la!"
True. However, what is impossible?
Being unable to get whatever you want forever? Or hoping there is a change in the human factors, something that is out of your control?
Funny as can be, but I think many people just like to hope for the impossible things, irregardless subconsciously or intentionally.
Why funny? Cause, what really is impossible? Lol.

If you are hoping, please continue, cause I believe it plays a huge part in motivating you in whatever you are presently doing=)
I am just expressing some of my views only.
What a pessimist am I. But what else can I still expect after falling down again and again in life?
I have been hoping every now and then. Apparently most of the time it did not turn out the way as what I have intended. Disappoinment! Haha.

But of course! Life is always full of challenges.
Like roses are pretty but full of thorns.
So i accepted it.
I confessed. I will uphold my promise and I am trying.
Now I am hoping I can still be by your side.
Will it be tarnished? Or will it be sustained?
I am hoping..

Similarly, the feeling of liking you is sweet, but the route towards it is tough.
But I never regret liking you. Cause the thought of losing you is scary=)

MY ORIENTATION IS OVER!!!
YAYYYYYYYYYYY!! I am free from that immense boulder.
I am very happy=D
Furthermore my juniors enjoyed the camp. Even happier!
Just that i got no campers who will rmbr. Well, that's life? Haha!

I am wishing my wishes can come true! Yay! Today is the start i suppose?
I hope it is not an end..

Ah I am puzzled! What should I do?!
Sighs. I don't know which way to gooooooooooooooooooooo!!
It is like I am at a cliff, no matter where i walk i will also fall.
Maybe the only difference is which is fatal which is not?
But I won't know until I choose one path and jump.
However, it is only one chance!
Wrong = Die.
I hope I am not getting a De Javu feeling.
I don't want history to repeat!!
OMG! Just tell me what to expect?

I am trying hard to feel contented.
I don't expect anything much, I just don't want to lose the chance to be by you.

I am a background worker who won't be acknowledged.
Is this how it is going to be in all aspects of my life?
I don't want.